Divorce is hard.
On this day, two months ago, I asked my husband for a divorce. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do--I can't imagine how hard it was for him to hear me say those words. It broke my heart, to break his. Seriously. I didn't relish in this. I didn't come to this conclusion just randomly. It had been on my mind and heart for a long while. Do you want to know what the hardest part was? Telling our friends and family. I wasn't ready to talk about it to anyone outside of us... yet he was and did. Fine. He needed support. I just rolled with it, and did damage control on my end. Why was telling our friends/family the hardest part? Because of judgement.
I didn't leave for another; because of abuse; or because of him cheating (none of this happened--on both sides, got it?!). We were great about putting on a show for everyone else. Very few people saw past that mirage--but not many. We both are guilty of our marriage falling apart. Since no one but myself and him were in our marriage; no one knowns what effort we put into our marriage to make it work.
Do you think it was easy for me to ask for the divorce? I can assure you, it was anything but easy.
Do you think we didn't try counseling? We did.
So.. next time you decide to get all righteous about marriage--posting stupid "We've lasted 39yrs because we come from a time where you made shit work--you didn't throw it out." Remember this: You aren't there. You don't know what two people have/haven't done to make their marriage work. Stop being so God damn self-righteous and be a friend. If you can't be a friend, and you can't reframe from posting stupid shit about how people are giving up without working on their marriage--do us divorced people a favor: Delete us from Facebook until you can quit being judgmental. We don't need that in our lives.
On this day, two months ago, I asked my husband for a divorce. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do--I can't imagine how hard it was for him to hear me say those words. It broke my heart, to break his. Seriously. I didn't relish in this. I didn't come to this conclusion just randomly. It had been on my mind and heart for a long while. Do you want to know what the hardest part was? Telling our friends and family. I wasn't ready to talk about it to anyone outside of us... yet he was and did. Fine. He needed support. I just rolled with it, and did damage control on my end. Why was telling our friends/family the hardest part? Because of judgement.
I didn't leave for another; because of abuse; or because of him cheating (none of this happened--on both sides, got it?!). We were great about putting on a show for everyone else. Very few people saw past that mirage--but not many. We both are guilty of our marriage falling apart. Since no one but myself and him were in our marriage; no one knowns what effort we put into our marriage to make it work.
Do you think it was easy for me to ask for the divorce? I can assure you, it was anything but easy.
Do you think we didn't try counseling? We did.
So.. next time you decide to get all righteous about marriage--posting stupid "We've lasted 39yrs because we come from a time where you made shit work--you didn't throw it out." Remember this: You aren't there. You don't know what two people have/haven't done to make their marriage work. Stop being so God damn self-righteous and be a friend. If you can't be a friend, and you can't reframe from posting stupid shit about how people are giving up without working on their marriage--do us divorced people a favor: Delete us from Facebook until you can quit being judgmental. We don't need that in our lives.
